Better Relationships

Sexting: Not just for teens

If done well, there’s a lot of fun to be had for you and your partner.

It’s fair to say that the majority of teenage habits are best ignored. But there’s one naughty habit that might be worth thinking about: sexting.

What is sexting and why would I consider it?

Sexting = sex + texting. Simply put, it’s sending sexual messages via text or other means of digital communication to a sexual partner.

In recent years, we’ve only really heard negative things about sexting, like high school kids exchanging inappropriate images or messages. Sure, it can be dangerous for young people unable to fully grasp the concept of respectful sexual exchanges, but between two consenting adults? Sexting can be a lot of fun for you and your partner.

Sexting can be sharing a nude photo of yourself, a naughty message outlining what you’d like to do to someone, or even a lengthier, ongoing exchange.

Sexual empowerment facilitator Shaney Marie says that sexting is a great tool for spicing up your sex life. “For long term lovers or married couples, sexting is a great way to reignite the fire of new desire in the relationship; it could serve as a way of seeing each other through fresh eyes, and learning about each other in new and naughty ways,” she says.

“Sexting could also be less intimidating than sharing things that may feel too scary and vulnerable to say face to face.”

MORE: Should we watch porn together? Read more here.

What could it bring to my relationship?

Foreplay starts in the mind. If you can pique each other’s interests with a sexual message, the idea will be percolating in the mind until the moment both of you step through the door.

“Whether you’re looking for a partner or just in for some casual erotic exploration, sexting one another before actually getting intimate could be a great way to learn about each others’ erotic styles,” says Shaney.

“You can tell a lot from the way a person communicates through words, and writing allows you to peek inside the person’s psyche for clues about their preferences and even desires and fetishes.”

Sexting is also a great tool for long-distance partnerships who may be struggling to keep up the sexual tension when miles apart. Sending a nude or message says, ‘I’m thinking of you, and can’t wait to see you next’.

MORE: Want to know what the science says about intimacy? Read more here.

The Dos and Don’ts of sexting

Of course, as anyone who’s made the grave error of sending an unsolicited dick pic will be aware, there are some solid Dos and Don’ts around sexting. Use these as a guide, and you’ll have a lot of fun.

DO

  • Send sexts to people you have a consensual, sexual relationship with that you trust.
  • Show excitement and gratitude if you’re sent a sexy text or photo from your partner.
  • Experiment with fantasy scenarios over text. Tell them what you’ve always dreamt of doing to them in the bedroom.
  • Be careful to gauge their response. Do they seem turned off, or anxious? Cease and desist.
  • Put together a game plan for both of you to take the action from text to real life.

DON'T

  • Send unsolicited sexual content to people you’ve just met or strangers, and don’t share any sexual images and texts that are not your own. Not only is it just rude, it could also cause you to end up in trouble with the law.
  • Ignore their messages. It says that you don’t care, and could make them embarrassed.
  • Be overly crass or abusive. Be mindful of where their line is.
  • Don’t take it personally if your partner isn't interested in sexting. It’s different for everyone.
  • Share your partner’s sexts or photos with anyone. Use an encrypted app like Telegram, or Snapchat, which will delete the images immediately. Better safe than sorry.

Try something fun: Sexting with emojis

If you’re looking for a way to start sexting, emojis are the way to go. They’re fun, cheeky, and a discreet way to begin. Check out our favourite combinations below:

  • 🍑👏= I want to give your booty a smack
  • 👉👌= Sex tonight?
  • 👉🌮💦= I want to give you pleasure
  • 👅🍯= I want to go down on you
  • 😊🍆= I want to have a smiling dick tonight

MORE: What are the rules of online dating? Find out here.

Like any sexual experimentation, the success that underpins sexting is feeling safe and confident. Respect is the order of the day, so make sure that your fun exchanges steer clear of feeling threatening or at risk of being shared to others. Play your cards right, and your phone might just become your new favourite sex toy.

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